Resolution for 2014 - Learn to “LOVE” Narendra Modi

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I know my new year resolution is two months late, but a resolution is a solemn thing and I didn’t want to be one of those who casually renege on it within days. That profound resolution is ‘I SHALL LEARN TO LOVE NARENDRA MODI’ and I have reached it because I have finally seen the light!

Did I hear fellow secularists hiss ‘traitor’??

Well frankly I didn’t because it was drowned out by the welcoming din of Modi’s frenzied admirers!


But I am convinced the cries of betrayal from the anti-Modi brigade, of which I was a part till recently, will turn to whoops, once I explain my reasons. In fact many of these misguided souls might become converts too. So here goes:

Reason  1

I understand from highly placed sources that one of the biggest promises in Modi’s secret manifesto is that as PM he intends to immediately legislate ‘The Right to Free Chai Act’. Yes – every citizen will be entitled to 3 cups of free tea daily! Wow! Can you beat that? It’s the entitlement every Indian would give a hand and a leg for, except of course if you are a Dravidian who prefers coffee. No idea if the proposed legislation includes coffee, but what the hell! This guy knows his India!

Reason 2

In one of his speeches Modi hinted he has a 56 inches chhaati (chest). Wow again! That’s at least 20 inches bigger than the 36 inches which trigger wet dreams in men and I guess it beats even Pam Anderson’s chhaati!


I know he is a man and all that, but that 56 inches imagery is pretty seductive you see, just like all those Vibrant Gujarat MOU figures he bandies about! Who doesn’t want a PM who stimulates such titillating fantasies even if realities don’t quite match up! Hurrah!

Reason 3

I learn that another wonderful privilege ‘saheb’ intends to bestow on beleaguered men (and this is a first) is the legal use of the state apparatus to snoop on the womenfolk in their family as also female relatives, neighbours and acquaintances. Plans, it seems, are afoot to set up a separate Ministry of Snooping, headed by saheb’s closest aide, a plump, short, bald, man with kala dadhi.


A simple verbal request directly to saheb will immediately place government stalking machinery at your disposal to begin with. Later, once the entire infrastructure is in place, all women will be secretly snooped upon 24×7 suo motto on behalf of families and men folk can access the surveillance tapes by submitting a pre-dated letter declaring they have requested such protective snooping for their daughter / wife / mother / sister / girlfriend / sweetheart / female colleague.



Yoicks! At last someone is daring to articulate what every husband, father, boyfriend, uncle, brother, roadside Romeo and friendly office predator wants! How can one resist the appeal of such a wonderful PM-in-the making!

Reason 4

I am told the moment he becomes PM, ‘chhote sardar’ will roll out the mother of all marketing and branding initiatives in the form of a lifetime Loyalty Programme for all citizens. Your Aadhar card (which will be rebranded as NaMo Uddhar Card) will enable you to be credited with generous reward points for every single act of loyalty towards the great man. For e.g. every online post and hate troll against detractors – 1000 reward points, praising Gujarat without visiting it – 1500 reward points, contributing iron for Patel statue – 2000 reward points, wearing ‘Mahatma Modi Rocks’ T shirt – 2500 reward points, trashing the Nehru Gandhi dynasty – 5000 points and so on.


These reward points can be redeemed for attractive goodies from designer khaki shorts autographed by PM, adjustment against income tax to land at throwaway prices if you are an industrialist. There are also special categories which begin with massive bonus points – Gujaratis, internet Hindus, friendly columnists and writers, bureaucrats, corporate honchos etc. Bravo! Can’t wait to enroll!

Reason 5

Now this is the biggest reason why all my reservations about Modi were simply blown away. This man is pure genius I say – no wonder he has this game-changing solution to end communal strife forever! It seems the great man will embark on the amazing secular mission to replace every single place of worship in this country with a ‘shauchalaya’! Yes, yes, yes – if that isn’t awesome, what is!

So join me friends and learn to love our PM-in-waiting! Have, hoon Modi nu manas choon!

Disclaimer: For those who didn’t get it – this post is a SATIRE, meant for some light-hearted POLI-TICKLE; don’t let it cause you HEARTBURN, drink something THANDA

Written by Salil Desai >>

Salil Desai is an author and film-maker. His books include two murder mysteries 'The Body in the Back Seat' and 'Murder on a Side Street' as well as a collection of short stories 'Lost Libido and Other Gulp Fiction'. His stories have also featured in anthologies published by Penguin, Westland and Unisun. Over 400 articles penned by him have appeared in The Times of India,.Indian Express, DNA, Sahara Time, Citadel, Readers' Digest etc. He makes management training films and also conducts creative writing workshops.

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Indian Exponent: Resolution for 2014 - Learn to “LOVE” Narendra Modi
Resolution for 2014 - Learn to “LOVE” Narendra Modi
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