What makes Pakistanis, Pakistanis

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Pakistani father-son engage in some stimulating guftagu.

Image Credit: Citizen Khan (TV Series)
Son: Daddy?
Dad: Yes, son.
Son: Are we going to have a war with India?
Dad: Perhaps.

Son: Oh, goody. We will thrash them, right? Like we did in 1857!
Dad: It wasn't in 1857, son.
Son: Oh, okay. But whom did we thrash in 1857?
Dad: The British, son…

Son: And the Hindus too, right?
Dad: Well…
Son: Did Quaid-i-Azam fight in that war along with Muhammad bin Qasim and Imran Khan?
Dad: No, son. The Quaid and Imran were born much later and Muhammad bin Qasim died many years before.

Son: Then who ruled Pakistan in those days?
Dad: There was no Pakistan in those days, son.
Son: But there was always a Pakistan! It has been there for 5,000 years!

Dad: Who have you been talking to, son?
Son: No one. I've just been watching TV.
Dad: It figures.

Son: Daddy, why are all these people against us Arabs?
Dad: Arabs? But we aren't Arabs, son.
Son: Of course we are because our ancestors were Arabs!
Dad: No, son. Our ancestors were of the subcontinental stock.

Son: Sub-what?
Dad: Never mind. You seem to like wars, son.
Son: Yes. I like to watch them on TV.
Dad: But real wars are fought outside the TV, son.

Son: Really? How is that possible? What sort of a war is that?
Dad: Never mind.
Son: Daddy, you look worried.
Dad: Of course, I am, you little warmongering punk!

Son: Daddy! Why are you scolding me?
Dad: Because TV is talking rot and so are you!
Son: Daddy, are you supporting Hindus?
Dad: No!

Son: Daddy, have you become a kafir?
Dad: Keep quiet! No more TV for you! Go watch a movie on DVD or listen to a CD.
Son: Can't do that.
Dad: But we have so many DVDs and CDs, son.
Son: Not any more.

Dad: What do you mean?
Son: I burned them all.
Dad: What?!
Son: I burned them all.

Dad: I heard that! But why?
Son: They spread obscenity.
Dad: Oh, God. Son, go do your homework. What happened to that science project you were working on?
Son: It's almost complete.

Dad: Good boy. What are you making?
Son: A bomb.
Dad: What?!
Son: A bomb.

Dad: I heard that! But why?
Son: Because I am a true Muslim who hates America.
Dad: But only last week you wanted to go to Disney Land.
Son: That's different.

Dad: How come?
Son: Mickey Mouse is Muslim.
Dad: No, he isn't.
Son: Is so. He converted when he heard azaan on the moon.

Dad: On the moon?
Son: Yes. Because the earth is flat and…
Dad: What??
Son: The earth is…

Dad: I heard that!
Son: Daddy, do you want to see my science project, or not?
Dad: Gosh, that bomb? But your science teacher will fail you.
Son: No, she won’t.

Dad: Really?
Son: Yes. I plan to blow her up as well.
Dad: God, what is wrong with you? Go call your mother!
Son: She can't come.

Dad: Why not?
Son: I've locked her in the kitchen.
Dad: But what for?
Son: A woman's place is in the kitchen. I will not let her out until she covers herself up properly!

Dad: But she's your mother!
Son: She's also a woman!
Dad: So?
Son: So she should be hidden.

Dad: Hidden from whom?
Son: The whole world and Tony.
Dad: Tony?
Son: Yes, Tony.

Dad: But Tony's a cat.
Son: Yes. But he's male.
Dad: Son, have you gone mad?
Son: No. By the way, I've made sure Kitto starts covering up as well.

Dad: Kitto?
Son: Yes, Kittto.
Dad: But Kitto's a cat!
Son: Yes. But a female cat.

Dad: But she'll suffocate.
Son: Oh, she's already dead.
Dad: What?
Son: She's already dead.

Dad: I heard that! But how?
Son: I buried her alive.
Dad: You what?
Son: Yes. To avenge Tony's honour. But now I will behead Tony.

Dad: But why?
Son: To save mom's honour!
Dad: Oh, God!
Son: Don't say that. Always say Allah.

Dad: What's the difference?
Son: Daddy, do you want to be beheaded too?
Dad: No!
Son: Do you want to be stoned to death?
Dad: No!
Son: Do you want to be flogged?
Dad: No!
Son: Do you want to get your arms chopped off?
Dad: No!
Son: Then stop asking silly questions. By the way, I won't call you daddy anymore.

Dad: What will you call me then?
Son: Whatever that is Arabic for daddy.
Dad: I don't know any Arabic, son.
Son: That's because you are a kafir.

Dad: Who the heck are you to tell me who I am, you little fascist twit!
Son: What's a fascist?
Dad: An irrational, violent, self-righteous mad man!
Son: W... aaaaaaa...

Dad: Why are you crying?
Son: You scolded me.
Dad: Okay, I'm sorry. You have to be tolerant and rational, son. Now be a good boy and go read a book instead of watching TV.
Son: I have no books.

Dad: Of course, you do. I bought you so many books.
Son: I burned them.
Dad: What?
Son: I burned them.
Dad: But why?
Son: They were all in English.
Dad: So?
Son: It's a non-Muslim language!

Dad: But we are speaking English, aren't we?
Son: W... aaaaaaa…
Dad: What now?
Son: Zionists made me forget my Arabic.
Dad: But you never knew any Arabic, son.
Son: W... aaaa… yes, I did until you and mommy gave me the polio drops… aaaaa…

Dad: Okay, tell me, can you do me a favour?
Son: Sure, dad.
Dad: Can you blow up something for me?
Son: Oh, goody! Of course, dad. What should I blow? A CD shop, a hotel, a school...?
Dad: No, no, something a lot more sinister.
Son: Mom?
Dad: No, no…

Son: What then?
Dad: The TV set!
Son: What?
Dad: Blow the TV set.

Son: I heard that! But why?
Dad: Just do it!

Son: I see. Dad?
Dad: Yes.
Son: You're so unconstitutional!

H/T - DAWN

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Indian Exponent: What makes Pakistanis, Pakistanis
What makes Pakistanis, Pakistanis
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Indian Exponent
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